We live in a world where society has set an impossible standard for everything. Before we even get into a relationship, we already are scared of a thousand things because we’ve seen something in some movie, we already have our bar set too high because of something someone told us or because of what society tries to portray as “perfect”. What’s important in life is to grow at your own pace, to learn at your own speed and to expect at a humane level.
Here are 11 relationship truths every woman should know:
1. Your love isn’t changing him.
A misunderstanding of this truth is why we date bad boys and “flirt to convert.” We love a good Beauty and the Beast story with notions that our love will help our man turn from his old ways and embrace purity, maybe sobriety and even Jesus.
But the truth is, romantic love doesn’t transform people. If your man has a millstone tied around his neck and is sinking to the bottom of the ocean, you’re not going to be able to swim him to the surface just by latching on. Eventually, you’ll be at the bottom of the ocean with him.
2. Men want to feel needed.
It’s important to be independent and capable of looking after your own needs, but if that turns into carrying a “I’ll never need a man” chip on your shoulder, you may drive him away. Men like to know they are needed in your life. Whether it’s fixing your car, providing financially for you or solving a problem, men actually like being asked to help. Create some space in your relationship, give up some control and don’t be afraid of giving him the opportunity to help.
Men like to know they are needed in your life. Whether it’s fixing your car, providing financially for you or solving a problem, men actually like being asked to help. Create some space in your relationship, give up some control and don’t be afraid of giving him the opportunity to help.
3. Nothing is “forever”
There is no such thing in this world that lasts forever, love is one of those things. Nothing is rock-solid, even the strongest of foundations become weak in time. You need to understand and prepare yourself for the worst, anything can happen at any given time. People lose their lives, people die of starvation, and we cry about not being loved enough by someone. What’s important here is to love yourself as much as you can and find complete happiness in that state, and then move on to a relationship. If and when you come out of that relationship, you’ll still be stronger than ever and won’t be crying about it even after months.
4. Being supportive and being suffocated are two different things
You need to know where to draw the line between being supportive and being suffocated. Sure, support your man as much as you can, but up to the point where you feel comfortable about it and it doesn’t start having any negative affect on your life. You can’t compromise your own well-being for the happiness of your partner, that’s not a relationship, relationship works both ways, not when you’re someone who’s miserable while your partner is as happy as ever.
5. Manipulation will sour your relationship quickly.
We cry or tell half-truths to make the situation come out in our favor. Winning an argument or getting your way does nothing to better a relationship—and may in fact worsen it. Be forthright, and learn to navigate conflict through healthy communication and compromise.
6. Men are not mindreaders.
We all know this in theory, but a lot of times, we act as if the men in our lives should know exactly what we’re thinking without us having to tell them. If you want your guy to tell you you aren’t fat or to spend more time with the kids, ask him directly. Give him a chance to respond to your desires instead of expecting him to read your mind. Use words, instead of stomping around the house or pouting.
7. He’s not your last chance.
Many women stay in bad relationships, falsely believing he’s their last chance. Whether we think we’re too old, too long-gone, too messed up or have put too much time into a relationship—it’s common place to stay with a guy because we think it’s either him or being alone for the next 30 years. I know the statistics, I know how hard it is to find a good man—but don’t buy into the lie that a mediocre relationship is your last chance.
8. Everybody lies
It is bound to happen, we are all human and we make mistakes, we are made to make mistakes, none of us are perfect and none of us are saints. People lie, accept it, just because you think you have a special bond with your man doesn’t mean there isn’t going to be any negativity between the two of you. You two will lie to one another at one point in the relationship. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes people lie to save the relationship, and it’s probably for the better. But the important thing to remember here is to not keep unrealistic expectations from your partner, he is human, so are you, neither of you are saints.
9. Don’t run away from challenges
Every good relationship is bound to have its fair share of challenging moments, it’s your duty as a partner to stay strong during those moments and to not lose hope for one second. Nothing good in life comes easy, you have to work hard for a living, in order to have a decent lifestyle, the same goes for a good relationship, you need to be ready to face the challenges it brings your way.
10. “You” are your only source of pure happiness
Remember my words, nobody in this world can make you happier than you yourself! Only you have the power to make yourself happy, completely happy and content. Never look at your partner to be your source of happiness, because that happiness may one day leave you and you’ll find yourself empty and lost without your only source of happiness, never base your happiness on anyone else. If you are a dependent person (like me), depend on yourself, because you can NEVER let yourself down!
11. Your relationship will be as “perfect” as you want it to be
I’ve mentioned this many times before, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, this isn’t a movie, this is very real, this is life and it doesn’t have a pause or rewind button. Your relationship can be “perfect” based on your own personal idea of perfection, it depends on you to set the bar of that perfection, I would ask you to set that bar at a level where you can actually reach it. Don’t set it too high. Make it as perfect as you can be, along with your imperfections.