Every single adult has a common apprehension about finding out their soul partner, with whom they will be able to share a long and healthy relationship. Often they find it very difficult to select the right person for themselves, so that they can enjoy a great romantic life with that person. Thus, it is essential for each of them to know the basic tactics to identify the right person, who will be perfectly compatible. If your relationship has slipped into complacency mode, you can benefit by reminding your significant other of just how important you are.
And in doing so, you are making sure you’re being the best you so it’s a win-win all the way.
It’s not about being petulant, whining for attention or rebelling and doing what you want – it’s about subtlety and cleverness to help your SO realize how valuable you are and recognize the worth of your relationship.
How exactly do you assess the degree of compatibility between you and a love interest?
1. He doesn’t play games.
If you’re still wondering if you should text or not, or if he take a day or two to return a call… you’re not in the relationship zone yet.
If he can live with you wanting to text whenever, and you can feel comfortable texting him at any hour of the day, you’re golden. At some point, you cross over the line from the anxiety of dating to the security of a relationship where communication is expected and accepted. This is a good sign that he is into you.
2. He is kind and respectful
This goes for everyone in his life, not just you. Most people are on their best behavior when you start dating them. It is easy for them to be nice to you, because there is something to gain, but how does he treat the other people in his life and on the periphery? The old cliche, if “he is not nice to the waiter, he is not nice” is really true here. Same goes for the mailman, his mother and animals.
3. He does as he says
In order for him to be Mr. Right, he must have integrity. This means that he has to do as he says. If he promises to call, he does. He makes plans with you in advance and he always follows through his promises. If he can do all this, he is emotionally ready for a serious relationship – with you.
4. He can express his feelings
The true boyfriend material meaning is that you have a man who doesn’t judge or criticize you and doesn’t give you the silent treatment. If he has something to discuss with you, he will do so openly. He will also offer you honesty. He will tell you that he would like to spend some time with his friends, wants to work out, or needs to dedicate more time to his work.
5. He handles his finances responsibly
It doesn’t matter how much he makes, it matters how he manages his money. Is he always broke before the next payday? Does he save? Does he pay taxes? Is he in debt? Does he constantly borrow or lend money? What is his perspective on gambling? If your relationship continues, you will eventually be combining at least some of your money. Is he someone you would feel comfortable doing this with?
6. He is truthful
No, this does not include the question “do I look fat in this dress?” He is truthful about the important things. Little white lies to spare your feelings are acceptable. Big lies are not. Watch to see if he tells whoppers to other people. If he lies often to others, he is guaranteed to lie to you eventually. A shaky relationship with the truth is a dangerous red flag and can often identify a psychopath. Trust, but verify.
7. He has to be single
When you are looking for boyfriend material, you have to make sure that he is really single. This means that he shouldn’t be in another relationship, divorce process, or with someone who “doesn’t understand him as you do”. He must be emotionally available to be able to focus on you.
Forget about guys who have to hide you until the divorce process is over, has to meet you at motels or his art studio, and who can’t invite you to his place because he is still sharing it with his ex. Things just don’t work that way.
8. Respect for his family
In case you want more than casual dating, you should make sure that he treats his family with respect and compassion. Don’t forget that one day you could become a part of his family as well and he will treat you the same way. You should be especially mindful of the way he acts with his mother. This also tells you a lot of things of how he will treat the women in his life. For sure you know that in a way men are looking for their mother in the women they meet.
9. How does he treat you?
This is a no-brainer: if he doesn’t treat you right, you dump him, as simple as that. It is possible that he is all sweet and cute when it’s just the two of you, but when you’re around other people, he just ignores you. If this is the case, you can be sure that he is not the right guy for you. You can do better. You should be able to find a guy who will treat you with respect regardless of the circumstances. Don’t forget that you should always come first, no matter what.
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10. Does he listen to you?
Some people say that women talk way too much for men to pay attention to all of it. If this is his policy too, he’s not right for you. He should always listen when you’re talking. In order to check it, you could give him an “is he boyfriend material quiz”. You could playfully ask him things like what your favorite color is or what classes you are taking.
11. You don’t feel the need to cyber (or regular) stalk him
The right guy won’t make you feel so off balance that you feel the need to comb through the finer details of his life. He just won’t awaken that part of your intuition that says “there is something to look for, and I have to dig for it.” If you feel the need to snoop, even if you don’t act on it, pay attention. Our intuition often has a good reason for this kind of suspicious feeling. Keep an eye on it. If you tend to cyber stalk with no valid reason, knock it off.
12. You feel welcome at his house
The key here as in many of these points is transparency. While his place might not be the most comfortable or right for both of you, he will be open to at least showing it to you. If you have dated for a while and haven’t seen it, suggest that you both spend the evening watching movies there or something casual. Be suspicious if he squirms.
13. He is thankful and appreciative
An attitude of gratitude is ideal here. You don’t want to wake up years down the road in a thankless relationship where you feel taken for granted. You should feel like when you add things both big and small to his life he notices and appreciates it.
14. He has a compatible sense of humor to you
A sense of humor is vital. Humor is what will make your life fun over the long run. You don’t want to meet someone who is great but boring, right? I’ve talked about it before, but a sense of humor that coincides with yours is 100% vital to your long term happiness together. The ability to laugh and play together is absolutely vital.
15. He handles his exes gently
A big bad red flag is lots of discussions about his “crazy exes.” If you feel like “wow, everyone he’s ever been with has been a mess” you need to be extremely cautious in proceeding with a relationship. While we all make mistakes in the relationship department, it is extremely unlikely that a healthy person would exclusively date crazies.
Also, watch how he describes his exes. Does he trash them? It is normal for people to get scars along the way from their time in relationship-town, but a generally positive attitude is optimum. Statements from him like “well we just weren’t right for each other” are healthy. “She is a crazy hose-beast” is not. If he co-parents with his ex, how does he handle her? A respectful, detached attitude with an eye on making things great for the child is what you want to see. An angry, punitive attitude is a huge warning signal.
There are certainly other things that will meet your partner criteria list, but these are a few golden standards to consider. Don’t waste your time on someone who’s only half in, or not in at all. And trust that there are plenty of possibilities out there waiting for you if this one isn’t measuring up to your standards. You’re worth it.