Man is a social animal. This means to say that man cannot live alone. We need a special companion by our sides, who would like to go through life’s ups and downs with us. But we humans often drive the people we love away from us just by a simple mistake. Relationships are very delicate. They require a lot of love and dedication to prosper. If you are in a serious relationship, you should be ready to give your heart and soul to the one you love and make compromises. Even a single mistake can cost you your relationship. Sometimes after a breakup, you realize you still have feelings for your ex and want to be with them again. Asking your ex to get back together can be scary, but if you take your time and learn from the past, there’s a chance they’ll say yes.
1. Understand the breakup
What did each of you do to contribute to the breakup? Most relationship troubles do not crop up unexpectedly, but build up over time. The odds are good that it wasn’t a one-sided problem and that there were signs that it was coming. Take some time and do some soul searching before you attempt to get your ex back. You want to make sure you are not wasting your time or energy on something futile.
2. Avoid contact for the first month after the break-up
They will call you if they want to talk. If they don’t, nothing you say or wear will change that. Sometimes, ignoring your ex makes them feel like you are perfectly fine without them and are moving on, which is the exact opposite of what they want. Avoiding contact is not just a passive-aggressive way to make your ex miss you. It gives you time to do the things you need to do to prepare yourself for a new relationship (whether it’s with your ex or someone new!). Take time during this month to get to know yourself as an individual and to work on areas that you may have let slip during your relationship with your ex.
3. Find out if they are still interested
Before you start trying to win back your ex’s heart, you need to know whether he or she still cares or not. Knowing if your ex still cares about you is the first most important clue and hint that things can still be mended. You do not need to find out right away, and you definitely should not send friends to do your investigative work for you. Do not pursue your ex for at least a month after the breakup; instead, look for subtle hints when you run into him or her at school or work, social media posts, or comments that your mutual friends make unsolicited.
4. Work on your self-esteem
If you struggle with neediness, you’re probably a little lacking in the self-esteem department. You might be looking for your ex to make you feel better about yourself, but the fact is that you are the only person who can really do that. You shouldn’t base your happiness on someone else. It makes them feel guilty, obligated and eventually, resentful towards you. Self-esteem is about believing that you are a person of worth and that you are adequate the way you are. When it comes to relationships, it is important that you feel complete and whole as an individual rather than looking for someone else to complete you or make your life worthwhile.
5. Be the person your ex fell in love with
Try to think back to when the two of you first got together. What about you did he or she love? Was it your quirky jokes, or maybe your amazing sense of style. Whatever it may be, try to rekindle the fire the same way the flame was started before. Your ex was attracted to you because they felt good with you and you were fulfilling their emotional needs. How have you changed (if at all)? Correct bad habits and mistakes, if any. Be positive around them. Laugh and smile.
6. Rekindle Friendship
It’s important that you reestablish your friendship with your ex before you jump back into the relationship. Starting with friendship will help bring their walls down and rebuild trust which is crucial in terms of moving forward. Reach out to your ex, letting them know you’d like to start with friendship first. If they’re open to reestablishing the friendship, start there.
7. Spend time with other people
You don’t need to sleep with them, but spending time with other men or women will let your ex know that you are on the market for a relationship again. If they are still interested, they may decide it is time to step in and stop you from looking elsewhere. If you are not interested in dating others or leading them on, meet up with groups for movie night or spend time with a friend of the opposite sex. Just being around others who are single might be enough to make your ex a bit jealous.
8. Ask your ex to talk with you
After you have taken time together as friends, it is time to have an honest talk about your history together and whether or not there might be a romantic future. Although texting and talking over the computer is a common way to communicate in an established relationship, intimate discussions like this should be held in person. Invite your ex over for dinner or head out to your favorite coffee shop.
Think deeply about anything you did or didn’t do that somehow contributed to the downfall of the relationship, and clean the slate by giving your ex a proper apology. Take full responsibility for the offense, without blaming your ex, giving excuses, or expecting an apology (or even forgiveness) in return. It may very well be that your ex contributed to the situation, but you cannot apologize for someone else; you can only apologize for yourself.
10. Remind them of the good times
Don’t be afraid to bring up the light-hearted memories. This isn’t to guilt them into wanting you back, but it kind of does. Reminding your ex of the good times you had together will bring them to a positive space and have them wanting you all over again. Let them know that you want those times back and are willing to do what it takes to get back there with them.
11. Treat your relationship like a new one
Remember that your first relationship together was not a successful one; it ended in heartbreak. Treat the second time like a new relationship, building new rules of engagement. Take it slow. Don’t assume you should pick up where you left off in your previous relationship, for example, sleeping together and saying “I love you,” which should not come into play until you’ve rebuilt your trust.
12. Admit that they do not want to get back
Sometimes, certain things take two people apart with irreconcilable differences. But do not feel bad on yourself. It is just that you crossed the border with your partner and they are afraid of getting hurt again. You tried to correct your mistake and that is what matters in the end.
I hope this helped you understand exactly what to do in order to get your ex back. There’s one more thing to remember – even when you do get them back it’s very difficult to keep them… unless you know how to make them want to be with you and only you forever. You need this secret formula to get your ex back in your arms for good.