1. You suddenly feel extremely full of love.
This is your best friend in the whole world, and you are with them, and what usually suppresses your emotions has been taken away by alcohol so that all you can say is “MAN, I LOVE YOU.”
2. You will want to tell them about everything that is going on in your life.
Suddenly you have a lot of complicated feelings about that guy that you’ve been on three dates with and you need to share them all.
3. They will give you advice of mixed quality.
Sometimes you need your drunk best friend to drop some home truths, and sometimes you really don’t want them to encourage you to drunk-text your ex for the third time that night.
4. You will tell each other that you look seriously hot.
“You look so hot tonight, like, if you weren’t my best friend, and I was more that way inclined, I would marry you, like, tomorrow. SERIOUSLY.”
5. You will say some really mean things that you wouldn’t say to anyone else.
Sometimes you need to let off some steam in a safe environment, where you know you won’t get judged for it. Maybe about someone at work, maybe your mum, possibly your other best friend who couldn’t make it that night. And you might not even mean all of it, but you just need to say it.
6. You will have another drink.
Because you’re having such a good time, and by drunk logic, getting more drunk can only lead to more fun, right? RIGHT?
7. You’ll start reminiscing.
You might be reminiscing about the awkward taxi journey you had on the way to the bar, or it might be about the first time you got drunk together on Bailey’s that you stole from your mum.
8. You’ll imagine your futures together.
And probably make a pact that your kids will have to be best friends too.
9. You’ll get really deep.
You’ll have a revelation about how society is structured, or how it totally doesn’t matter if you never get married, or how really you’re destined to become a fireman. Or how the world is really big, and how lucky you are to find each other amongst all the millions of other people that would have made less good best friends.
10. You might start singing.
Or dancing. Either way it will be full of emotion and swaying, but you’ll think you look really hot.
11. You will see an attractive human and start talking about them not very subtly.
“Omg look at that guy. NO, DON’T LOOK NOW.” You will hatch a plan to get them to fall in love with one of you, which probably won’t work.
12. Or you will Facebook-stalk nearly everyone you have ever made out with.
And then freak out when that guy you kissed at the school disco when you were 14 is now married. And then you will dare each other to like his wedding photos.
13. You’ll describe sexual acts in minute levels of detail.
You’re pretty open with each other when you’re sober, but when you’re drunk there are absolutely no boundaries. Everything you were too shy to say when you were sober will come out.
14. You’ll share the really gross things you do that you’re not sure anyone else does.
Hopefully it won’t be just you.
15. You will belly-laugh.
Until it hurts and you can’t remember what was so funny.
16. You will have a full-on conversation while one of you is peeing.
And you won’t even blink.
You might even use the opportunity to show them a strange mole on your arse that you’re not sure about. Or even ask their opinions on your current hairstyle down there.
17. You will tell them all your secrets.
Especially all the ones that don’t belong to you that you pinky-promised not to tell anyone else.
18. You’ll come up with a genius plan or theory that might not seem so great the next morning.
“We should both quit our jobs and open a small bakery!”
“Yes, and it should be alpaca-themed!”
19. You will either proclaim your love for someone or swear off love forever.
Depending on your situation, you will either make a pact to marry each other if you’re still single by 40, or you’ll start freaking out that you might never sleep with anyone else ever again.
20. You’ll encourage each other to drink even more.
You’re having such fun, and you feel like you’re closer than you’ve ever been before, and you just need to celebrate you.
21. Suddenly the mood will change and one of you will suggest food.
It was fun talking and dancing and stuff, but now there is only one thing in the world that matters and it is food.
22. Once you have your food you will eat it all, slightly too quickly.
It will be gross. There will be no judgment. And you’ll be that much closer as friends.