After getting out of a long-term relationship I’ve found myself in a string of no-label relationships. This relationship no-man’s land lies somewhere between the F.B. (no, not Facebook) and the possessive “You’re my…” Now being a modern women I’ve confronted the situation as I do most others, with the go-getter attitude of “Yeah! Why do we need labels anyway?” or “Of course it’s easier this way!”
Then comes the point where you’ve had back-to-back non-relationship, relationships and you find yourself with ever growing disdain for what seemed like a perfect solution at the time. After in-depth personal research into the topic, here are five reasons why it just never seems to work out:
1. If you’ve decided not to label the relationship it means one or both people involved has some sort of hang-up.
Whether it’s commitment problems, daddy issues, or the unspoken “I’m still not 100% about this one”, these are not mere speed bumps, but road blocks to the formation of any semblance of a normal, functioning relationships
2. It takes for granted that, label or not, people have feelings.
It’s normal when you are “with” someone to feel happy, angry, or even jealous. These feelings, though, can never be justified when you’re in the no-label zone. Someone hits on the person you’re with at a bar. You feel jealous. What are you going to do? Well, you’re not technically with the person so your options are a) looking nuts by getting upset b) shirking off into a corner and drowning yourself in a straw full of mojito.
3. There are no ground rules for behavior.
Ok, you’re with someone. You’re monogamous. You behave in a certain, socially acceptable way. When that’s not the case you find yourself desperately searching for solid ground to stand on. Is this ok? Is this not ok? Screw it we’re not together anyway. Generally ending up in bad, no-relationship, relationship ending decision making.
4. Just because you don’t define it doesn’t mean others don’t.
Friends or family see you together and refer to you as a couple or ask about the other if they’re absent at some sort of gathering. What do you do? Correct them and say, “No Auntie May, we’re not a couple, but he’s doing just fine thanks for asking.” Talk about awkward moments.
5. You can’t escape the inevitable.
Like any bottled beer, there comes a certain point when you have to read the expiration date and decide whether to drink it before it’s skunked or just let it go. No-label relationships always come to some sort of an impasse. Someone gets a job offer in another city, or the other meets someone they want to pursue. It’s that awkward moment when you have to either confess that there’s more between you than you admit, or tell the other person, “well, it’s been fun while it lasted.” In my experience it’s usually the latter but, hey, maybe that’s just me.