Dating & Sex

5 Things Grownup Women Should Know About Texting and Dating

Texting and dating definitely isn’t just for 20 year olds anymore.

Over the past few years it seems that almost every dating dilemma I hear from my coaching clients and girlfriends has something to do with texting. Texting isn’t just for 20 year olds anymore. These are all women who are dating after 40.  

We love it, we hate it, it’s confusing and it’s impossible to understand, but texting is a necessary evil of the dating world. But what do you do when you haven’t even met the guy yet and he’s been blowing up your iPhone? Here’s why texting too much before a date is your biggest mistake.


The only thing you should assume when you’re getting a bunch of texts is that the guy is having fun flirting with you. He’s feeling entertained and he’s enjoying your responsiveness.

Read  Also:  10 Ways to Create an Intimate Relationship And Strengthen Your Bond

1. Texting is NOT dating.

Do not assume that getting a bunch of texts from a guy means you are having a relationship. You’re not even dating. If a man is choosing to only text or primarily text, he’s not showing signs of wanting to get to know you in a meaningful way.

The only thing you should assume when you’re getting a bunch of texts is that the guy is having fun flirting with you. He’s feeling entertained and he’s enjoying your responsiveness.

Sure, he wouldn’t be spending any time if he wasn’t attracted to you, but if he’s solely texting, he doesn’t think of you as a potential partner. Expecting him to move on to something more serious isn’t realistic. In fact, it usually means quite the opposite. These guys disappear.

There are so many ways to know if a man is a serious guy who is interested in getting to know you. He steps up by calling and settings up dates. He tries to learn about you and your life. He makes an effort to spend time with you. He does little things to try to make you happy.  

Read Also: 20 Crazy Signs That Might Mean You’re In Love

Be aware, keep your emotions in check and stay in reality. You don’t know him. And keep reading here to learn how to get the texter to move on to the phone or an in-person date.   

2. Some men use texting to string you along…period. 

If you are getting texts along with calls and dates, then excellent! He’s interested in getting to know you and likely looking for a relationship.

But if there is no actual in-person contact – beware!

You probably know the guy who texts once in a while as a kind of check in. He tells you how much he likes you and even acts super interested in your life. He flirts. He says how busy he is and how he’d really love to see you soon. And it ends there.

With just ten minutes time and a few well chosen keystrokes, a good pinger can keep you interested for months, even years…without so much as one date. (This happens with telephone calls too.)

If you are involved with a pinger, girlfriend, you need to end that so-called relationship right now.  You can read more about pingers and learn what you can do with them by reading this article :

3.  Texting is generally for boys, not men.   

If you haven’t met him yet and he’s texting to see if you can get together on short notice, don’t be flattered. He’s either impulsive or, more likely, using you as a back-up girl when his other plans fell through.

If you like him and are willing to give him a chance, then respond with a positive ‘thank you but no thank you.” You want to say something like this: 

“It would be great to see you, Bob, but I have plans tonight. Love to get together with a little more notice next time. Enjoy your evening.”

Read Also: The Reason Why People Love To Hate You, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Put it out there and see what happens. A grownup guy who truly wants to know you will get the message and ask you out ahead of time. A player or user guy will text you again in a few weeks wanting to see you that night. Take it for what it is – he’s probably not serious about dating and he’s going down his list, hoping you bite. Don’t answer.

4. Texting does have a positive place in dating.

Texting can be a great complement to real dating. For instance, it’s a great way to clarify plans or make last minute updates to the plan.

A man who wants a healthy, mature connection will make every effort to show you he’s interested and to actually see you in person. Why? Because that’s how men decide if they like you. It’s all about how he FEELS when he’s with you, and he knows it. So if he’s looking for something more than one fun night, a good man will do what he can to impress you by asking you out, and then be in your presence.

Texting is also good for a quick “had a nice time” or “sleep well” note following a nice date. Or a “looking forward to slurping spaghetti with you Friday.”  Let him know you’re thinking of him and appreciate him. Make it simple, and leave it there. If you don’t hear back, move on. 

5. If he’s a grownup good guy, you can kindly get him off texting. 

I can see why even good, solid, single men love texting. If he sees your picture and profile and wants to meet you, the hunter in him wants to get directly to the result: meeting you. This is also true of some women I know. They feel that chatting first just gets in the way and would rather skip the phone and/or email.

But I’ll say it again, doing a bunch of texting first creates an unrealistic sense of connection. If you want a little more, like a phone call first, it’s up to you to get off the texting treadmill and ask for what you want. And if he is serious about meeting a woman for a real relationship, he will step up. 

Read Also: 10 Flirty Texts to Send to Your Partner

How do you do that? Simply say something like this if he seems to be stuck on texting:

“It would be great to hear the voice connected to these great texts and emails. I’d love a phone call when you’ve got time. Hope that works for you! ”


“Thanks for getting in touch. I’d like to get to know you but I find texting isn’t the best way. But catching up with you over coffee might be ;).”

So…the bottom line on texting and dating is this: use texting sparingly, wisely and, most of all, don’t read too much into it. Remember, real life and real love happen in person, smile to smile, touch to touch. Not on your phone or your computer.

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