Are you creating a relationship that will last?Relationships can have many qualities and ingredients that help sustain the connection and love. Consider the following nine qualities which are necessary to maintain a long, loving connection. If both partners are open and willing to embrace and work with these qualities, this can truly create a lasting and fulfilling partnership.
1. A solid commitment towards relationship.
With this commitment, you value and respect the person you are with, taking them and your commitment seriously. Living from your heart, with an appreciation for what your partner brings to the relationship and how they help you learn and grow as you experience life with them.
2. High level of understanding.
You are both good listeners and seek to understand each other, getting beyond the words by asking questions for clarity and understanding. You are able to speak your truth with words of peace with each other. Taking responsibility for your own feelings in your communication, rather than blaming your partner for your feelings.
3. The willingness to offer unconditional love.
You honor and support the imperfect person perfectly through understanding, acceptance, compassion, and forgiveness. Unconditional love and acceptance is the greatest gift we can offer another human being.
4. A dedication to the practice of deeper intimacy.
You understand the importance of vulnerability and know that without vulnerability, trust and real intimacy are difficult to attain and sustain. Vulnerability and trust happen in a non-judgmental atmosphere. Intimacy means: “into me you see.” Can you see your partner for who they are in that moment, without fear, criticism or judgment? The how of vulnerability happens by being honest with your feelings and experiences, or mindful of ways you conduct and express yourself. You’ll also need to be open and accept yourself and your partner as you both are. Practice non-judgment.
5. Accepting your partner as they are.
If you need to “fix” your partner, you are likely being a “rescuer” and thus avoiding yourself and your own insecurities and struggles with self-love. Also fixing someone enables that person to continue their same needy behavior patterns and will keep them in the victim and needy energy. Fixing or rescuing doesn’t empower your partner to change and grow. Rather than fix, consider coaching them, affirming them, empowering them that the answer to their struggle is within them. Just being present for the other, holding space for them, listening to them, and affirming their struggles/concerns is often the best way to assist them in the situation.
6. Spending some time together and also apart.
It’s healthy and important to share time together. This should be quality time for connection and intimacy to develop and mature. It means we desire and enjoy spending time with each other. We also value being included in the company of our partner’s extended family, friends, co-workers, etc. Remember love is including not excluding. In this balance, we also value the importance of each partner having their own “me” time with family, friend, co-workers, wellness, etc. Most importantly, as a couple, we honor the need for either of us to have times of solitude, or alone time.
7. Support each other when needed.
When you or your partner is in need of aid or assistance, the other will be there as best they can, physically and/or emotionally. Out of love, you give of yourself, without losing yourself with what’s needed or important from you. You don’t avoid your partner for your own selfish needs or out of fear of ignorance of their need.
8. Freely-shared appreciation.
This means that out of love, you freely affirm your partner and/or do acts of service without the need for a payback or saying (or thinking) “you owe me.” You also value the importance of physical touch, as a way of showing affection and keeping our connection alive; through hugs, holding hands and cuddling, etc.
Yes, relationships are serious endeavors, and not to be taken for granted or lightly. Having said this, a healthy and sustainable relationship is one that is more childlike, i.e. curious, unconditional, spontaneous and playful, rather than childish, i.e. controlling, demanding, selfish or conditional within it.