When in bed, expect that unexpected things can happen. When you are super intimate with one another or in the heat of the moment, even good girls can go wild. However, most, if not all, women will not easily reveal to you their fantasies. They will keep them as secrets until you earn her trust to be completely open to you. They are shy to let you know about these fantasies because of the stigma that comes with them. Still, these fantasies are there to surprise you. Sometimes, she might want to actually make these fantasies a reality, and hey, if they discuss it with you and you’re comfortable with it too, then have at it!
1. Being submissive in bed
Dominant males get laid because, in reality, women want to be dominated. Even if she displays some aggression, oftentimes, it is just a facade and what she really likes is to be in full submission. However, for her to absolutely submit, she needs to find the man who can make her do so – as if it is something she really likes to give in the first place. The ladies want to feel the strength and power of men but without really getting hurt. They want to be pinned down aggressively but kissed passionately. Sometimes, in bed, they don’t want to be treated like babies. After all, she is a strong, independent woman, am I right?
2. Getting it on with a stranger
Rather than being scary, the idea of getting it on with a stranger is extremely common among women, because it allows us to be uninhibited. If you’re in a long-term relationship or just seeing someone seriously, the romance and ~sexiness~ of the relationship can drain a little once you become familiar with each other’s bathroom routines and how they look when they’re sick. Why? Because, while sex within the context of monogamy can be totally hot, it’s hard to replicate the intensity of the initial chase. Fantasizing about someone new is a way of recalling how fantastic it felt to be so obviously pursued. The fantasy of doing the dirty with an unknown person strips all that away and leaves two people who just want to get down to business!
3. Sex in an unusual place like office, public toilets
Other common fantasies included “having sex in an unusual place,” like at work or in a public washroom, or in a “romantic location. Doing the dirty in a public place is definitely a common fantasy that brings the idea of exhibitionism into play. With so much attention paid to the adult industry that seeps into our popular culture, it’s normal to imagine ourselves being watched – and potentially caught – while getting down to business somewhere public. There’s also a degree of power involved in this exhibitionist fantasy, because we are owning our bodies and our sexuality no matter who might stumble upon us (and perhaps that even becomes part of it!). An extremely common fantasy that plays with power, exhibitionism, and ego, this doesn’t mean you’re looking to break the law, just maybe test the boundaries a little.
4. Playing like a man
Blame it on the sexual revolution or the rise of being more open in popular media, but it’s actually a pretty common fantasy to want to play like a man when you’re a woman! Perhaps due in part to the fact that women are still seen as submissive in the bedroom (and in society), or because of the biological truth that the male erogenous zone is located in the back door, but a woman wanting to do it like a dude is a common fantasy that many ladies prefer to keep secret, due to the taboo of the whole thing. No longer reserved for only female couples, playing the guy with your guy allows for both parties to experience different roles: the woman as the dominant party and the man as the submissive. The play on gender roles can represent a desire to take more control in your life while also being able to have a say in what goes on during your private time as well.
5. Sex with a younger guy
Men and women mature at different ages. It has been said that women mature faster than men such that men and women of the same age sometimes show that the guy is less mature than the girl. Hence, women fantasize on playing their maternal instinct card but in a sexual way. Although sometimes frowned upon, many fantasize about having a younger guy in their life. Usually, this is so they can “pop his cherry” and teach the guy everything they know. Women don’t talk so much about this because they don’t want to be mocked and be called “old enough to be his mom” or the “cradle robber.”
6. Exchanging partners
Women who are in serious relationships or are married have thought about exchanging partners with other couples every once in a while, especially when things are already boring in the bedroom. However, it is taboo to say this out loud because other people will instantly say this is cheating and resort to calling a woman “a slut”. So, they just keep it to themselves even if they want to try swinging. Oftentimes, men think that women are just all about the romance. However, women also have physical needs. They won’t speak of it, but if asked at the right time, they will try it.
7. Being forced to have sex
People have different thresholds for pain and if you hit the sweet spot, it is actually more of a turn on than something unwanted. Hence, women want this every now and then. They want to experience physical pain from their partner as long as it is within their pain threshold. This is why the film 50 Shades of Grey became popular. One of its foundations lie on experiencing pain with your sexual partner. The Red Room of Pain is an iconic part of the story and a lot of women want to be in that room for some tying with a rope, getting gagged, spanking, and more.
8. Role playing
Even bored couples love to do this. When they feel like they are in a rut, most women fantasize about doing this with their partner. Of course, it feels kinky to play the part of someone else while in the bedroom. She won’t admit it because she may feel too kinky, but many think of this to spice things up. in fact, it is quite common amongst couple to don a different identity while getting busy in the bedroom. With some imagination, the possibilities are truly endless. She can sometimes play the sexy nurse and you’re the patient. She can be a police officer and you’re the bad guy, but often she wants that role reversed, thinking she deserves some spanking because she has been a “very bad girl”.
9. Creating an adult video
A lot of women will deny having even the slightest thought about filming themselves while doing the deed. Actually, most men who present this idea to their female partners will get shut down almost instantly. They will even be called “pigs” for wanting to do that in the first place. However, contrary to popular belief, women have fantasized about this but they are just not going to admit it. It is sexy to star in your own adult film especially if you are in tiptop shape. The idea of seeing oneself on the screen acting like an adult star is something many women crazily dream of from time to time.
So what does this mean about women’s psychological state? In my experience as a couples therapist, fantasies are rarely a problem. Rather, they can fuel arousal in your sex life, and are a sign of high sexual satisfaction. Why? If you can share a sexy fantasy with your partner without feeling judged or embarrassed, the intimacy within your relationship is obviously strong.