All breakups take time to heal. For some people, it can take a really long time. Everyone’s different as it depends on the relationship you had and how things ended. There could also be times when you think (and hope) you are over your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, but in reality, you might not be. It can be difficult to tell if you’re over an ex. After sharing a significant chunk of your life with someone, it makes sense that they’d remain perpetually in your thoughts, at least in some capacity. So how do you know if you’ve really put your past to rest, or if you’re still mired in your last relationship?
Here are 9 signs that you’re not over him.
1. You still think about him most days.
It’s not really even a conscious thing. You’ll be going about your day and wonder what he’s doing, if the found a new apartment yet since you know he is looking or if he ever read that thing you sent him. Even if it’s not a concrete thought, his name is always floating around your brain; even if you don’t want it to be; even if you’ve told it to go away. Some part of you is always still thinking about him.
2. You do things hoping to make your ex jealous.
Are you spurred to do things because you think (and maybe hope) that they might make your ex jealous? Like the last point, it’s not the best to think about your ex after doing something. It’s even worse if you’re motivated to do something by your ex. It might be hurtful to hear, but your ex isn’t in your life anymore so you should not be doing things to make him/her jealous. It shows you haven’t moved on.
3. You compare everyone to him.
Even if you think you’re ready to start dating again, every time you meet a new guy, you make a list of all the ways he doesn’t measure up to your ex. Once you’re really over him, you’ll measure men on their own merits.
4. You hate on his new girlfriend, hard.
You are constantly finding yourself talking sh&t and hating on his new girlfriend: hard. I am definitely guilty of doing this. Are you curious to know when? When I wasn’t over him. Talking smack about his new girlfriend is a clear sign of jealousy. You don’t even know the girl – why hate on her? There are of course, exceptions to the rule. If you caught them cheating while you two were together? Hate all you want. If it was your ex best friend who stole your man from under your nose, talk away. If you don’t know this girl from a hole in the wall and you find yourself making fun of her selfies with your friends, you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and revaluate why.
5. Seeing him still makes you go weak in the knees.
Literally. You get the shakes. And you’re sort of afraid you might projectile vomit. Which would be embarrassing. Sound familiar? If your reaction is this visceral, we’re going to hazard a guess and say you’re still not over him.
6. When something exciting happens, he’s still the first person you want to tell.
You have many people you love in your life, of course, and therefore, many people who love to hear about your accomplishments. When something specific happens though, like you get a promotion or finally finish writing that piece you were stuck on, you want to tell him more than anyone else. He was there when you set out to achieve that goal, and he’s the one who would appreciate you reaching it more than anyone else.
7. You find yourself comparing people to your ex.
Have you been considering dating again? When you look at potential partners, do you find yourself comparing them to your ex to see how they stack up? Are you even comparing random people on the street to your ex? It doesn’t really matter if you’re comparing your ex’s good or bad qualities. The fact that you’re thinking about him/her when looking at other people likely shows you’re not completely over the break up.
8. You talk to his friends to annoy him.
If you are flirting with his buddy from college because you low key want him to find out is yet another red flag that you still have feelings for him. Partaking in anything that will potentially make him jealous should make you question why you are doing it in the first place. Why are you trying to make him think about you? If you are over it, who cares? I’ll tell you who cares. You. Because you are not over him.
9. You still “Almost Text” him
We all go through that helpless phase after a breakup where we almost text our ex. We write up a long and Heartfelt, sometimes anger-filled, message and we think about sending it but end up deleting the entire Message altogether. This is a weakness that goes away as time goes on. But don’t expect it to happen Overnight. Moving on is one of the hardest things in the world, and even when you think you’re there, you’re Not.
No matter who broke up with whom, or if the breakup were mutual, a breakup can be difficult on both sides, and there’s a time for healing that is necessary to help you transition to being apart. If you notice any of these signs, it could signify that your breakup was a lot harder than you might have thought and you need to give yourself some love and respect to get back to normal.