It was one of those days where you wake up late and your neck is a little stiff. One of those days where you skip breakfast, and you immediately feel that you’re behind schedule on every little piece of work. Where you have calls that you’ve forgotten to make, and emails that you’ve forgotten to send. One of those days where you know there’s no way you’ll have time to go to the gym later, even though today’s the day you need it the most! Just one of those days.
Here are nine unconscious beliefs about life that get in the way of our inner peace.
1. When I get what I want I will be happy.
Does this really happen? Do we get really happy when we get what we want? The answer is no… When we reach that stage, then those goals which are very difficult then seems to be really easy now because you have achieved them. Then you want to achieve something big. Then you start chasing the things. But despite acknowledging that we don’t need to get anything to be happy. To overcome this, we need to be mindful of when we have the feeling that we need something before we can be happy. When we see we’re doing this we can practice letting go of that need, even if only for a brief moment. The more capable we become at doing so, the more we will naturally experience happiness in the present, and the less our minds will fixate on ideas of the future for fulfillment.
2. I must get my way.
There is a part of us that suffers deeply whenever we don’t get our way. We have a wilful side of us that demands the world behave as we say it should. We want to bend the world to our wishes. We feel threatened and upset if things don’t go our way. If we notice ourselves thinking, “it should be like this”, that’s also being wilful. We think other people should give way to us, that our situation is somehow unique, that we deserve special treatment. It’s almost as if we believe that the rules of the universe can and should be bent in our favour. When we demand that situations and people bend to our will, without us putting in the necessary effort, we set ourselves up for failure and disappointment. Letting go of wilfulness is not the same as resignation. We still seek to be effective in what we do by mastering the mechanics and laws of the world. We become effective by putting in the necessary effort.
3. I have not achieved anything significant as of now.
You don’t have to build a Taj Mahal or get a prefix in front of your name to feel important or special. If you haven’t achieved something extraordinary, you don’t have to beat yourself to death for it. Destiny has a reason for everything. All that matters is that you give your heart and soul to whatever it is that you do – from making planes to earthen lamps. We all have our journey. Some reach their destinations early while it takes time for others. Don’t confuse movement with progress, my friend!
4. How can I love myself when no one else does.
We may have the unconscious belief that deep down we are unlovable. So we do all kinds of things to prove that we are lovable. We also do things for the sake of appearances, because we want acceptance / recognition / approval. We want esteem in the eyes of others. Even when they give us the praise we crave, we are unable to accept it. We need to promote self-love, the concept of loving yourself unabashedly. Go out on a date with yourself, travel solo, buy yourself gifts, and date yourself until you find someone worth it.
5. Finding inner peace is very difficult.
A lot of us believe that we are a long way from having inner peace, and we admire those we think have found it. We see the separation of their status to ours and awesome the same gap exists for inner peace – not true at all. We see the path to peace as a long journey, when the only true difficulty is letting go of the belief it is a long journey. When you do this, the journey is over.
6. If people knew the real me, they wouldn’t like it.
This is similar to the issue we have with emotional expressions. We hide certain aspects of our personality, defining ourselves publicly by what we show and privately by what we’ve hidden. The reality is that you are a lot more than either of those stories, and people will gravitate toward the real you because they appreciate honesty.
7. If I express my emotions honestly people will think I’m weak.”
We’re often taught, as we grow up, to keep a lid on our emotions. This is common for responses that are considered socially inappropriate such as anger, fear, and sadness. Though in many ways we’re also taught to limit how much we show our positive emotions such as joy and excitement. This leads us, in adulthood, to believe that honest expression will be met with disapproval by others. The irony in this is that as everyone is dealing with the urge to be authentic, those that actually do so are often met with respect and admiration.
8. I cannot get what I want.
At some level, while we strive to achieve things we want, we also deep down believe that we cannot get what we truly want. So sometimes we withdraw into fantasy worlds like computer games in which our desires can be fulfilled. The fantasy world, while not real, provides us simulation of our dreams, satisfying enough to keep us in our own heads, as opposed to working in the real world to fulfill our wishes. At some level we have already given up. We say we want something and then sabotage our own efforts at happiness and success, because deep down we have already condemned ourselves.
9. I owe the world.
This is a tough one and is related to the feeling of needing to be your best self. Though gratitude is important, it doesn’t mean we should walk around with the feeling that we’re in debt to the universe. We see this when people pathologically try to prove their worth to others. When we let go of the deep feeling of debt and obligation, we can then really start to give people what we have to offer.
You will not have a positive life when you fill it with negative thoughts and keep looking backward to the pain, as if it were comforting somehow. Pain is a dark place and very rarely does it let in the light of happiness. It is like a window frozen shut and dirty from the winter. You have to force it open, clean off the grime and allow the light of a new season to come in.