We all want real, lasting love, whether we are in our 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, or beyond. Yet too many couple fall apart and most people don’t know why. They mistakenly believe that they have chosen the wrong partner. After going through the grieving process, they start looking again.
We have finally found an answer for this strange and troubling phenomenon. Jed Diamond, a famous psychologist, has reached the conclusion after 40 years of clinical research that the majority of people do in fact find the one true love of their life. But the problem is they can’t keep it together through all five stages of love, most of the time reaching only the third. Let’s take a look at what they are.
1. Falling In Love
Falling in love is the stage when you find yourself living through a cloud of happiness hormones. Falling in love is nature’s trick to get humans to pick a mate so that our species carries on. It feels so wonderful because we are awash in hormones such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, testosterone, and estrogen. This is the time when you project all of your desires and hopes onto your partner. Your partner rapidly becomes the ideal person for you; they simply have no flaws of any kind. You believe he or she will always be able to fulfill your every wish, and you believe every word they say. You so believe in the power of true love right now that no skeptical voices can make you stop and think more cautiously.
2. Becoming a Couple
At this stage, love becomes stronger, and a succession of dates is eventually replaced by moving in together. This is a time when we have children and raise them. If we’re past the child-rearing stage, it’s the time when our couple bond deepens and develops. It’s a time of togetherness and joy. At some point, after many months or years, this period may witness the appearance of children, which can only strengthen the bond between you. You feel protected and desired. And you believe that you’ve definitely found the person for you — that your relationship was decided by fate.
This is the period when your hopes begin to be dashed. It’s when you start to get the impression that your feelings may one day dissipate, never to return. That your partner is becoming so totally predictable, and their behavior annoys you in so many ways. You start to feel like you want a break from them or even tell yourself that they’re not the one for you. The further thought occurs that there’s no point in torturing yourself and your partner in a relationship that’s run out of steam. You feel trapped and want to escape. This is a time you often get sick in body, mind, and soul.
4. Creating Real, Lasting Love
If you close your eyes and try your hardest to carry on despite your reluctance, you might get through the third stage and come to the following one. Your mind is freed from those illusions which you projected onto your partner in the earlier stages. The person standing in front of you is not the one you imagined being with, but a real person. You accept — and more importantly — understand their shortcomings. There’s nothing more satisfying than being with a partner who sees you and loves you for who you are. They understand that your hurtful behavior is not because you are mean and unloving, but because you have been wounded in the past and the past still lives with you. As you better understand and accept your partner, you can learn to love yourselves ever more deeply. Now is the time to heal and to move on to the final stage.
5. Using the Power of Two to Change the World
Now that you realize that you’ve learned to overcome your disagreements and found a deep, strong, long-lasting connection, you’ll reach a further liberating conclusion: that the two of you have the power to change something in this world. You’re not just going along together through this life for the sake of it, but you live in a partnership for the sake of a bigger cause. It might be that you work together, write together, create something together — it could be anything. But it’s when you start to function as a whole, having transcended all the previous stages, that you can say with 100% certainty that “this is the person for me.” If you can’t even find peace between two people who love each other, what chance do you have to create a world that can work for all its peoples?
We’re also interested in your own journey. Please share your own experiences on the path of real, lasting love. Together we can make a difference in the world.