How to Start a Friends with Benefits Relationship: 9 Rules to Remember

If you’ve never heard of the term ‘friends with benefits’, Urban Dictionary breaks it down for you— Two close friends who think it would be fun to have sex with each other again and again. Until one falls in love and gets their heart broken when the other doesn’t want a relationship. Ouch. Doesn’t sound ideal. So why go down this road?

The concept of ‘Friends with Benefits’ entails two people who wish to engage in a sexual relationship without the limitations of being committed to each other. Those two people do not need to perform the necessary nuances related to being boyfriend and girlfriend or otherwise. No need for the obligatory dates and complimentary gifts. All you need is a person who is willing to sleep with you on a regular basis.

Friends with benefits (FWB) can be a rocky boat to board. Take note of these dos and don’ts for smooth sailing.

1. Have emotional maturity

Understand what kind of a relationship you’re getting into right from the start. There isn’t supposed to be a happy ending. Be satisfied with a satisfying ending.

2. Pick someone you are comfortable with

This can be a little tricky since the person you pick to be your FWB can make or break the deal. Besides picking someone who is like-minded when it comes to casual relationships, you need to have a certain comfort level with the friend to move in this direction. If you know your friend is the type who gets jealous or clingy easily, stay away
from him. Better still, go for someone you would never see yourself dating.

3. Be transparent

Don’t just assume that you and your buddy are on the same page; have a frank discussion before taking a step forward. Set some boundaries and ground rules beforehand. Are the two of you in an exclusive FWB or are you allowed to have other partners? Can you stay the night or leave some clothes and a toothbrush at his place and vice versa? This is the part movies often skip. Drafting rules might sound boring, but it helps in keeping the
situation drama-free.

4. Keep it a secret

Don’t talk to your friends about it. Gossip has a funny way of spreading within minutes after you tell a friend about it. You’ll end up pissing your friend with benefits or getting a bad reputation. This way, if the arrangement comes to an end, you don’t have to explain much.

5. Don’t sleep with two friends from the same group

It’s too risky and you may get caught, especially if both of them are trying to exchange sly smiles and sneaky glances with you, or worse, trying to reach out to your crotch from under the table at the same time.

6. Don’t have much expectations

There’s an elephant in the room that many people often don’t acknowledge, and that is great expectations. It would be unwise for anyone to enter this setting with the hope of changing a FWB partner into a life partner. You might be treading in deep waters if you think opting for an FWB situation will help you save a sinking friendship
or that it will make him change his mind about commitment. Not just this, if you’ve had a bad day or are down with the flu, don’t expect him to come running over to help you feel better. The logic is simple: If you get too
reliant on him, there are more chances that you will be left hanging dry if/when the relationship ends.

7. Don’t stay in touch too often

Don’t try to find out about their personal life or have conversations about life and its problems. You’re into each other for sex and you really should avoid involving anything else. Call for one reason and one reason alone.

8. Be in it for fun

An FWB situation is meant purely for pleasure, so don’t let things go cold between the sheets. Keep the flame going by experimenting, and don’t be afraid of being judged! You might have to be careful about letting strangers know all your kinks and fetishes, but why hold back from a friend, right?

9. Mentally date someone else

Don’t talk about your personal lives with each other. But convince yourselves that the other person is actually dating someone else. Dating outside the FWB situation won’t just help you keep your options open, but can also ensure that you don’t develop feelings for your friend.