I know it’s difficult for most of us to avoid hanging out with people who have been friends with us for years or people who are connected to us by some other way; for example they could be our co-workers or even our relatives.
Many people say that we shouldn’t kick others out of our lives, because we will end up alone.
This is correct BUT:
1) Not kicking people out of your life doesn’t mean that you should stick with them no matter what.
2) You need to know that being alone is not the worst thing that could happen to you. The worst thing is feeling alone while being with some other person, even if it’s not about a romantic relationship.
3) Later in life, you are going to understand that most of the people you know (and I’m talking about a high percentage) are only acquaintances.
The true friends and family will be very few.
So what you need to do to be happy is to become able to distinguish people who deserve to be beside you and people who you really need to avoid.
I sat and thought about 5 kinds of people that you really don’t need in your life:
1) The Manipulator
Manipulators are expert at convincing us to give them more than they give us.
It might feel good, at first, to have a “friend” who encourages you to open up, share your thoughts, and reveal your weaknesses. Someone who listens to us when we are down is valued, but not if he uses what he learns about us during those weak moments.
Whether it’s a business deal or romantic relationship, manipulative people will use guilt, shame, lies and trickery to get what they want. They want you to submit but have no intention of submitting themselves.
Theirs is not a world where we are supposed to create intimacy and trust through grace, but a world where we are supposed to accumulate power and security by tricking the people around us. You definitely don’t need a manipulator in your life
2) The jealous one
All of us have been jealous for once or more times in our lives. That’s logical and forgivable. But I’m not talking about this kind of “brief” jealousy.
I’m talking about people who get so jealous all of the time. That leads them to hate everyone; they get happy when you’re sad, they get angry when you’re happy.
That’s pathetic and pathological too. However, if you want to want to keep a friendly or romantic relationship and the other person is jealous, you need to try before rejecting him/her: it is helpful to learn how to communicate your feelings about their jealousy using I statements.
This method of communication can help you more accurately state how you feel about the jealous behaviors you see in the other person and describe the impact they are having on you. Also, if you are in a relationship with someone who is acting jealous toward you, find out how to problem solve with your partner to work through the trust issues in your relationship in a healthy way.
3) The liar
personally hate liars more than anyone else. People lie, some people are more habitual at lying than others. Some people lie because they are too scared of the outcome, some people lie to stay in the clear, some people lie because they just like lying.
How good are you at spotting a lie? Do you see it happen or are you unaware of it happening around you? When people lie, they show a lot of signs, signs that are easily seen by some people while others just miss them. When you’re in a relationship (with someone who’s a liar), you need to be on your guard, save yourself from all the hurt and open your eyes.
4) The bully
Bullies come in all shapes and sizes, and most of us have to deal with them at one point or another, mostly as children – recent statistic show that 1 in 4 kids deal with bullying.
However, bullying is a serious problem, not only in schools, but also in the workplace, home, the military, playground and even nursing homes. They need to be dealt with carefully and the cycle must be stopped.
It’s also really important that we define bullying so we aren’t labeling every negative social interaction in the same way. Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.
Both bullies and victims may have serious, lasting problems.
5) The selfish one
Everyone is selfish to a certain extent. While normal levels of self-love, self-value and self-confidence are important for people to function well, there is a line between these characteristics and being a little too self-absorbed, arrogant or just plain narcissistic.
If you’re traumatized by a selfish person in your own life, don’t hate yourself for it. It’s not your fault that you didn’t see the signs.
No one really realizes that a partner or a friend is selfish at the beginning of the relationship.
You’d only see the signs when it’s too late, and there’s little you can do to change their behavior after that.