Women are intelligent creatures, but they can also be very guarded. If you are dating a woman who doesn’t know how to be loved, you’re going to need a lot more than luck. You’re going to need an open mind, patience, and humility.
If you go without practicing these and instead arrogantly assume that you know the type of girl she is, you’ll end up looking like a jerk or worse, losing her.
But what we we mean by a woman who doesn’t know how to be loved? It could be that she is afraid because of a past experience or maybe she’s just used to living for herself. There is nothing wrong with either of these. You just happened to meet her at this time in her life. Instead of expecting a change overnight, you can help her grow by loving her daily.
Check out the advice below. Keep in mind that all tips won’t apply to every relationship, so take what works for you.
Congratulations, you’ve fallen in love.
You are absolutely charmed by her. But there is just one problem: even though she’s reciprocated, she still feels somewhat distant. There could be many reasons for this, but some women — some people, really — are still learning what it means to be loved.
Is she guarded?
She doesn’t usually let people in, but she’s allowed you to set foot in her house. You can eventually make your way in, you just have to find that chink in her armor.
Perhaps she’s wildly independent.
Is the woman you’ve fallen for completely self-sufficient? Chances are that she could be happy on her own, but for some reason, she’s decided to try things out with you.
She could feel lost.
The waters of love are difficult to navigate for anyone, especially those of us who have been hurt in the past. Maybe she’s been wronged or maybe she’s wronged another. Either way, she’ll have trouble trusting anyone, including herself, but just know that troublesome situations aren’t the same as impossible.
Trust is something that can be built over time. Continue reading to find out how.
There are some women who know what they want but are still learning how to say it. If you want the same thing, letting her know clearly and confidently can make her feel more secure.
Respect her independence.
Maybe she’s very ambitious and goal oriented, or maybe she just needs time to figure out her own path. Wherever she is, give her space to grow into. Not all women feel the need to be saved or directed. In fact, it’s a big turnoff to many of us, despite what the movies say.
Listen, don’t lecture.
It all comes down to communication. One of the worst mistakes you can do is lecture a woman. You aren’t her teacher. Yes, feel free to teach her new things if the opportunity arises, but also listen to her. Listening to her and observing her will bring you closer together. She’ll also learn to open up more.
Support her fully.
Maybe you think you’ve figured her all out, but chances are, you’re probably just getting started. People are not puzzles where there is a clear beginning and end.
You learn new things about them every day, and it isn’t always pretty. As you learn more, support her in her passions and through her challenges, as she blossoms and even when she takes a step back.
Tell her you are grateful for her and that you admire and respect her. Tell her that she is beautiful, that she is loved, and more importantly, be present.
Patience is a virtue, my friend.
While it is important to be clear about what you want out of the relationship, you shouldn’t pressure her with ultimatums or timelines. A woman is ready when she’s ready. But don’t feel like you have to wait in the dark. Being patient doesn’t mean you have to wait in silence. Keep the conversation going about where you are in your relationship.
Find out her love language.
According to Gary Chapman, there are 5 love languages: gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion), and physical touch.
Find out which ones are most important to her and communicate which ones are most important to you. It’s also a fascinating way to learn more about yourself and what you need in a relationship.
Practice physical intimacy together as well.
If one or both of you deeply value physical touch, it doesn’t mean that you’re a lusty person. It just means that touching makes you feel warm, secure, and loved.
Hold hands, brush her cheek, pull her closer to you. Whatever you do, make sure that she feels safe and comfortable.
Don’t compare her to anyone else.
You probably already know, but a woman’s imagination sure can run wild. Don’t compare her to anyone else, especially an ex. Even if she’s confident, it can be disrespectful.
Wait for her in the rain, and she’ll learn to walk with you in it.
When we say “wait for her in the rain,” we don’t mean that you literally have to wait for her in the rain. You know that quote “some feel people the rain, others just get wet?” Well, it’s kind of like that.
We mean that choosing to pursue a relationship with someone who doesn’t know how to be loved is difficult, and sometimes, it’ll probably feel a lot like getting rained on.
But if you stick with her through the hard times, she’ll be moved that you were standing there, waiting for her all along.
Practice humility whenever you make a mistake and forgive quickly. She’ll respect a partner who is warm and tender, and she’ll be more likely to trust you over time.
These days, honesty feels like magic.
Even if you are a prideful person, it is better to be honest about your feelings. If you are confused by her, let her know, and make sure to communicate it in a non-confrontational way. It takes a strong person to show their vulnerability.
And don’t lie, even about the little things. If you have to build your relationship on white lies all the time, then you’re assuming that she can’t handle the truth. And if she can’t? Well, that’s something she needs to figure out.
Remember to also be honest with yourself if it’s not the right fit for you.
If you feel like she’s not meeting you halfway to the point that you are feeling burned out, something is wrong. It could be time to let go. It isn’t sustainable to be overextending yourself for anyone on a daily basis.
Yes, love is about patience, understanding, and forgiveness, but you have to remember that you’re part of the relationship, too. Sometimes, the best way to love someone is to let them go. After all, no one wants to feel resentment in the end.