It’s interesting to think about how we make people who used to be everything into nothing again. How we learn to forget. How we force forgetting. What we put in place of them in the interim. The dynamics afterward always tell you more than what the relationship did – grief is a faster teacher than joy – but what does it mean when you cycle out to being strangers again? You never really stop knowing each other in that way. Maybe there’s no choice but to make them someone different in your mind, not the person who knew your daily anxieties and what you looked like naked and what made you cry and how much you loved them.
We Change As People
I know I have experienced this a number of times in my life and maybe you have too. We have friends that we just can never picture ourselves not having close to us. We love them, they bond and connect so well with us, they are there for you and you are there for them. Then one day, as if out of nowhere, you realize they simply aren’t a big part of your life anymore.
You don’t know whether to feel bad or feel like it’s somehow your fault. Maybe you didn’t reach out enough or maybe you did something wrong. But the truth is, if you can’t put a clear cut answer to why, it’s probably simply because paths changed and you simply didn’t connect in the same way. It’s not to say you can’t again or that you are suddenly not friends, but more so that it’s simply not a serving aspect of both of your journey’s to be that close anymore.
I believe that to be entirely okay. There is nothing wrong with having amazing people in your life one day and simply going separate directions not long after. We have to respect each other, our journey’s and where we are going.
We cannot judge one another for our choices or because we feel inspired by something else. So often we can talk poorly about those who have drifted as if they didn’t “value” the friendship, but is it really about value? Is it about making something work simply because it was once there? Or is it possible that we can play roles in each others lives for periods of time and move on?
We are beings of change and we can go through changes very quickly. Who we are one day can adjust very quickly and sometimes that means we take different paths in life. This can lead you to new people and ultimately new “best friends.” What I’m trying to say is, if you ever feel guilty or bad about how things may have drifted from close friends of your past, don’t. It’s normal, it happens, it’s okay and if you like, you can communicate with those people about it.
Imagine you and your best friend (or friends from your past) like radio stations. Sometimes, you are all tuned into the same thing and vibing the same way, then, people change and the frequencies of each person change. Suddenly you’re dialed into different stations and they just don’t mesh in the same way. Instead, you now mesh with another person or group of people who are dialed into your station.
This doesn’t mean we can’t remain friends simply because we change, it simply means it happens, and when it does, it’s okay! I have many friends who I don’t see as often but can still call up and connect with very easily. I will always be grateful for those friendships no matter what, but does it mean we will always be super tight? No, and that’s cool.
We Hurt Each Other
Sometimes things can drift because something happens between us. It can be big or it can be small. These are the types of “splits” where we ask ourselves: “are we simply not friends because we are unable to move past a disagreement?” Many times we can still very much be dialed into that same station with another person, yet someone peeved the other one off and no one wants to give in. This is where we can really just take advantage of a great opportunity to learn a lot about facing ourselves and communication.
This type of situation is one that is just so tough to see. We spend so much time holding grudges and holding onto toxic feelings and judgments because we can’t just
Sometimes in life, you find a special friend. Someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can’t stop. Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is forever friendship. Love you my friends and thanks for being a part of my life and make it beautiful