We all know that romantic relationship is a rather complicated thing. It’s not enough just to love someone. You should be ready to put their needs over your own, be patient, wise, and work on the relationship a lot. However, at first it’s very important to make sure that it a true love and not something else that will go away in a short period of time. Mistaking lust for love is not a new thing. The younger you are and the earlier you find yourself in a budding relationship, the more likely you are to confuse one for the other. But don’t worry: there’s no shame in it. With your hormones raging and your mind floating into a euphoric fantasy during the throes of romance, the line that divides the two gets pretty blurred… along with your sense of judgment.
If you’re feeling confused over what you’re feeling, and wondering if it’s love or lust, just use these 10 signs to understand your mind and heart better.
1. There is no intimacy, it’s strictly sex.
When your relationship is built on lust, your primary motivation for sticking with that person is to have sex. That means that everything you do–all the sweet and romantic things you give away–has an ulterior motive that will lead toward the bedroom. True love is different. People in love value moments and experiences they share, even if they are dull and boring to most.
2. You don’t know each other well.
Sure, you know their favorite color is blue and their favorite food is macaroni and cheese. But that’s surface level-stuff. Since the bulk of your moments together are spent tangled, naked, in bed, you don’t get to have real bonding moments where you can get to know who they are. When you’re in love, you bare it all. You’ll get to know your partner intimately—even down to the tiniest details.
3. You don’t feel committed.
People in lust feel little to no commitment in their relationships. As discussed in the bonfire analogy, lust can fizzle out quickly. A relationship based on lust alone can end as soon as you find the next person who captures your desire. Love, on the other hand, is more enduring—even in the lust-less moments of the relationship.
4. You have no plans for the future with them.
You tell them how beautiful they are and how much you want them often, but when it comes to the future, you keep your mouth zipped shut. The thought of long-term commitment, children, joint bank accounts and shared vacations has not crossed your mind. It is not something you want. You only want to stay like this forever. However, a relationship based on lust fizzles out quickly. When you’re in love, you welcome thoughts of the future. Whether you marry or not is up to you both, but can you see yourself sitting side-by-side on matching rickety rocking chairs
5. You’re not friends.
Most people in romantic relationships started out as friends. People who skipped the whole friendship ordeal and brought it straight to bed *yes, it happens* could just be in lust. Friendship is the stepping stone to a deeper relationship, as it tests your compatibility, allows you to get to know each other, and even takes you to difficult moments where you can come out stronger. This type of relationship becomes the foundation of romantic love.
6. You say what they want to hear.
With lust, you might not care to challenge your guy or girl on certain things, as to not ruffle their feathers. It’s possible you’ll find yourself agreeing with any and everything, just to keep the other person happy, and to ensure a trip to the bedroom is in the very near future. When it’s love, you feel comfortable disagreeing on certain things, as you know it’ll ultimately make your relationship stronger.
7. You don’t share personal information with them.
Talking about your problem can help ease stress and tension. But you prefer to talk about them with someone you trust. And let’s face it, you’re just not at that ride-or-die stage yet. When you’re in love, you’ll talk to them about, well, basically everything. You know you love someone when you can trust them with the most minor (and major!) issues you’re having, not matter how weird/trivial/embarrassing they are. You know that they’ll listen without judgment. That’s love.
8. You live in a fairy tale world where the other person is flawless.
Being in lust dulls your judgment, because you tend to idealize both yourself and your partner. While it is normal to put your best foot forward to make an impression, a more stable relationship requires you to put all your cards on the table so that the other person can know who you truly are—be it good or bad. If you’re in lust, you tend to look past the other person’s negative characteristics and focus only on the qualities that fit your fantasy.
9. Eventually, sex will get boring.
The greatest irony of a lust-based relationship is that your sexual escapades will get boring in due time. When that time comes, you’ll be off and about to find the next person to satisfy your sexual desires. People in love enjoy every moment of their love-making. They will not tire of it, even if age has weathered their physique and taken their stamina.