From behaviors to billboards, suggestions of sex and sexuality filter into our lives. Yet having the vocabulary for sex doesn’t always translate so seamlessly into comfortable conversations. Especially when it’s about what we want from, and even during, sex. Sometimes, talking about sex is always an awkward moment, especially if you’re in a new relationship. And at other times, you could be in a seasoned relationship and still feel uncomfortable discussing sex because you’re afraid you may be judged. If you want to take an initiate to talk about sex, but your partner seems too embarrassed to discuss their ideas and thoughts with you, fret not.
11 tips to get your partner to open up and talk about sex:
1. Find a time when you’re both relaxed and in a comfortable place
Bringing up the topic of your sex life when you’re at a dinner party or in a crowded restaurant is not the way to play this. Wait until you’re in the comfort of your own home to strike up this conversation, because you don’t want there to be any awkward distractions. Without the ability to communicate, relating about sex can degenerate into score-keeping a hurtful tally of who asked and who says no. However, you won’t be able to effectively communicate unless you’re in the right setting, so make sure you’re both feeling at ease.
2. Never ask for something you’re unwilling to give
Look, if you want to talk about sex and kinky ideas, you might as well throw prudishness out of the window, and prepare yourself for a wild ride of sexual exploration. Reveal your fantasies, get kinky and start by telling the truth about the things you enjoy and the new things you want to try in bed. Holding your sexual thoughts close to your heart and expecting sex to magically get better with each passing day as the infatuation wears off is like asking for a miracle every time you have sex.
3. Discuss about your past experiences
Don’t confess about your past experiences, especially if your partner doesn’t know just how sexually liberated and active you’ve been before you met your lover. Surprisingly, most partners prefer to stay in the dark instead of hearing their partner’s confession about their kinky past. But if you want your partner to open up about sex talk, let your lover know that you’ve had partners before, and that you’re open to trying new things if it could make both your sex lives more interesting and fascinating!
4. Speak in third person
If you’re feeling terribly awkward about the impending sexual conversation, talk about a ‘friend of yours’ who likes a particular fantasy or has indulged in a particular sexual act. It’s easier to talk in third person, and if your partner likes the idea, you can always smile sheepishly and confess that you were talking about yourself!
5. Express your own desires and needs
You can’t expect your sex life to get better if you don’t know what you need in the bedroom, and you certainly can’t improve things if you don’t articulate these needs to your partner in a coherent way. Learning to express your desires takes both practice and courage. Don’t let this scare you off, though. You need to communicate in this way in order to heat things up.
6. Ask some naughty questions
Want to explore sexual ideas and fantasies without feeling awkward about it? There’s no better way to do that than by using our list of dirty questions. Try them, and you’ll see just how much both of you can learn about each other’s sexual interests in under an hour!
7. Anticipate the moment
Anticipation has tremendous power over your psyche. First of all, it gets you two thinking about sex and secondly, it will make you long for that special moment. Overall, building in some sexual tension will get you excited about one another. You can create anticipation over the phone by hinting it in texts, during a conversation or if you’re cheeky and in a close, complete trustworthy relationship you can send him sexy pictures of yourself. You can sensually touch him beneath the table with your hand or leg or you can whisper some dirty words into his ear.
8. Talk dirty in bed
Dirty talk kicks butt, especially when both of you are completely comfortable to explore each other’s sexual minds without feeling inhibited by it. If you want your partner to open up to you and talk about the things they enjoy sexually, just start talking about something naughty or dirty while having sex with each other. One thing would lead to another, and before you know it, you’ll unleash a wildcat. And oh yes, the sex will blow your mind too!
9. Don’t judge them
You can’t judge anyone else’s sexual desires. People like what they like because they like it, and for no other reason sometimes. There is always someone “weirder” than you, so don’t think you are alone in any fantasies or fetishes. And neither is he. Be open-minded, and try not to make him feel ashamed or embarrassed.
10. Choose the right time
Don’t say the wrong things at the wrong time. If your partner talks dirty or shares a fantasy that you don’t particularly appreciate while having sex, don’t stop the to-and-fro midway and stare at your partner with a shocked expression. And talking about something embarrassing or awkward immediately after having sex isn’t advisable either. If you really want to go into details about a particular fantasy of your lover’s, talk to them about it a while after they mention it, so they don’t feel judged or insulted by your question.
11. Be open to the conversation
Ask open ended questions when you’re talking about sex secrets with your husband or wife, and try to see things from their perspective before making judgments. Discuss things both of you enjoy, and take baby steps into the world of exploring sexual fantasies and dirty ideas together. If it works and something makes both of you super horny, well, good for you guys! And if it doesn’t excite you or your partner, move on, there are enough sexual ideas to set your sexual passion on fire! And it all starts with communication.