What do women really want their husbands to know? It’s not as complicated as it seems! Have you noticed that all women seem to get other women? They understand that there are certain things a man can do to make him a great husband and certain things he can do to make him an alright or horrible husband. But because men and women tend to have different ways of expressing love and relating, it can all seem complicated to a man who doesn’t get what women want.
The trick is to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and see love from her angle, not yours. When you are too focused on how YOU want to receive love and feel appreciated, you can’t make the distinction that she wants to receive love and feel appreciated in different ways. It doesn’t make your way or her way any more right or better, it just makes it different.
1. Do not talk to her as if she is one of the guys
If a husband talks with his wife in the same manner he talks with his buddies, his directness, bluntness, or argumentativeness may well cause her to feel disrespected or controlled. He thinks he is being honest and forthright. She feels he is being a jerk.
Read Also: 10 Qualities of Every Man loved by Woman
If you really want to be a better husband, understand that women speak a different language. Unless you learn to speak that language, you will never communicate on the deeper levels with her.
2. Make sure that she does not perceive you as controlling
The most common complaint we hear from women in our workshops for marriages in crisis is that their husbands try to control them. Interestingly, the husband usually counters with his view that she is the controlling one.
Eyes open and behavior changes only when each person realizes that his or her motive is NOT the most important thing; it is what the other person perceives that matters. In marriages in which the man actually is controlling, he typically has no clue that he is because that is not his conscious intent. By speaking his mind, criticizing her when she does not comply with his thinking, and arguing with her to get his point across, he believes he is treating her well. There is no motive to hurt. He may actually believe his intent is to help.
3. Perform one act of kindness every day
Do something special – something unexpected like taking care of a household chore your wife doesn’t like doing or bringing her lunch. You can also speak kindness with a thoughtful compliment or by expressing gratitude for what she is giving you.
4. Show more acceptance and less judgment.
Accept what your wife likes to do on a lazy weekend morning; or the time she spends on the telephone catching up with friends and family; or the hobbies that fuel her passion. Keep your critical comments quiet, resist the urge to judge and accept your wife’s habits (and quirks) because they make her into the beautiful person you fall in love with.
5. Don’t Reject Her Feelings – Ever
Her feelings are real and valid, just like yours are. She expresses her feelings to you because you are someone she feels safe with. She can’t express all of her real emotions with her coworkers, mother, or even friend. You are the one person she’s allowed to be completely and totally open with – until you make her feel bad for opening up to you. Telling her that she is being stupid or silly is detrimental to your relationship. In her mind, you are telling her that she doesn’t know how to handle her emotions and she should just suck it up because you don’t care.
And, when you do that, she doesn’t just get rid of her natural tendency to be emotional, instead, she will close herself off around you so that she doesn’t have to be put down again, and then she will start to feel disconnected from you. That’s your ticket to divorce down the line. If your wife doesn’t feel connected to you, then she will start to gravitate away from you.
6. Remember Things That Are Important To Her
As a man, it is not your ‘right’ to forget things. You have a brain, and even though her memory may be more focused on things like birthdays, anniversaries and other celebrations than yours is, that doesn’t mean that you can’t add events to your calendar or notifications. There are ways to remember what is important to her!
Moreover, writing down things that she finds meaningful can help you surprise her with meaningful things. For instance, if she talks about how much she loves a certain type of food, you can write that down on your personal calendar and use it to make her a nice surprise supper in the future.
7. Romance is what she really wants
In the same survey referred to above, 27% of wives stated that their level of sexual satisfaction had decreased because their husbands were not romantic, and that sex had become routine and boring.
While humans – both male and female – have need for sexual fulfillment, it appears that men may be more satisfied by the frequency of sex, but women may be more satisfied by the emotional relationship in sex. To be a better husband, think about becoming a Don Juan for your wife. Court her. Think of new and different scenarios that PRECEDE your sexual interaction. Make her feel wonderful about herself and make sex exciting not just by technique, but also by touching her heart first.
8. Keep growing
No husband or wife reaches perfection in his or her roles. There will be plenty of times throughout your marriage when you will make mistakes, say the wrong thing, or leave your dirty underwear lying on the bedroom floor. It happens to the best of husbands. But it is important to not let those moments of blunders define your marriage. Use every opportunity you can to continue to grow closer to your wife and learn more about her wants, needs, desires, and aspirations. Keep learning and growing. Just like a fine wine or aged cheese, marriage gets better over the years.
9. Live the Golden Rule
The Golden Rule in marriage is simple: Never threaten, hit or verbally abuse your wife – never. No matter the transgression, realize you do other options to respond. Once the Golden Rule is violated, it can never be restored.