Why It’s Okay To Be In A Relationship Without Having Sex

Believe it or not; there is, indeed, more to a relationship than sex. Shocker much? Actually, nope. But yes, we have been shaped by a culture that bases itself on internet porn, one-night stands and erotica, and so, has lost vision of the real point of a relationship—which is to just spend time with another individual you are attracted to in more ways than one.


While you can have sex with anybody, it’s the post-sex equation that is not something you want to have with everyone. Sometimes, all you want to do is hangout with your significant other—play video games, watch re-runs of your favourite sitcoms, have conversations about life and share stale pizza with—because at the end of the day, we are all looking to grow old with someone, even if we’re not saying it out loud.


To test this out further, I talked to a young couple about this. Sophie and Varun* (names changed) have been together for a year now. While the two of them can literally not get their hands off each other, besides being visibly in love, the two of them have never had sex. Yes, their physical chemistry is like no other, they say and they spend nights together sleeping over; they all but indulge in the act of what modern-aged lovemaking. To them, love is about sharing their love for their favourite music, talking in the most romantic manner possible because they seriously are high on the mush, cooking for one another and lying curled up together, whispering sweet nothings to each other. Most may wonder how they could possibly not lose control, or how they have even lasted this long. Theirs is a relationship of a cosmic connection, says Sophie. “Our mutual understanding for each other and our love transcends the act of just having sex,” she adds.


So how do we, as a generation heady on boners, orals and lack of self-control, go from ‘just having sex’ to actually making love without the physicality of it? Does it mean we have to shut out of our digital social circles and spend more time together offline? Maybe. Does it mean watching less porn or reading less erotica, or hooking up online with someone? Maybe. Does it mean we need to wear promise rings and swear sexual allegiance to the chosen one, whoever that might be? Maybe. But, most of all, it’s just one of those things that you will know when you know.

So, when you meet someone with whom you love hanging out, playing Mario with, watching sitcoms with, staying up late with or just sharing stale pizza with, you will realise that sometimes, it is okay to have a relationship that is based on pure, innocent love and not on ‘just having sex’.

Till then, don’t quit the search!

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