Does your partner know what—or rather, who—you did last summer? More pertinently, do they really need to?These are two important questions many women (and men) wrestle with while trying to maintain a healthy emotional and sexual relationship with their partners. Should you strip your past down and bare everything about
your sexual dalliances in an effort towards honest, open dialogue? For instance, is it necessary to open up about that one guy who helped you discover a new erogenous zone and it felt so good you were done even before you began? Or should you filter the filth and share just enough to keep your relationship moving upwards and onward?
1. Truth be told
Honesty at the outset is best. Your past is a part of you and nothing to be embarrassed about. If your partner has a problem with your past, then at least you can make an informed decision in the initial stages of your relationship.
2. Watch out for landmines
You should only share your sexual history if your partner wants to know it. And when you do discuss it, be brief. Don’t use words like ‘awesome’ or ‘great’, and don’t ever brag about your past sexual performances.
3. Don’t go into details
Communication is integral to a relationship; it would be wrong to suggest that partners hide things from each other, but when it comes to sexual history, there are certain things that should not be said. It gets you nowhere. That is not to say you should lie. Opening the bio data of your sexual past, however, is not the answer.
4. Don’t share your ex plans
Every past couple had plans they wanted to accomplish together: drive across the country, see a baseball game in every major league ballpark, agree just once on how to decorate the apartment. But when a relationship ends, so do the joint dreams. Don’t make your previous couple plans a part of your future plans with your current boyfriend.
5. Gosh, he once told me the same thing
In romance, it’s mostly tried and tested, but nothing like making your partner believe ‘wow! that’s new’. So if you’ve heard the exact same thing from both your current and your ex, don’t you jump up with glee saying, ‘This must be true coz I’ve heard the exact same thing from my ex!’
6. Don’t say: “He was funny.”
Guys love to make women laugh, especially because every woman on the planet is looking for a mate with a “sense of humor.” Since we aren’t all funny, pickings will be slim. But every guy thinks he is a riot. Even if the ex was pee-your-panties hysterical, the new guy doesn’t want to know he would only be the opening act if they were in the same room.
7. That was special
We know most romantic encounters are special. But it’s okay if you conceal that bit from your current. Nothing will get him more jealous or upset than you telling him, “Well! That was special.”
8. Misters are not sisters
Discussing your sexual conquests with your partner is vastly different from discussing them with your friends. Friends can discuss exes, sexual positions, etc, but for a couple, it all depends on the sensitivity and maturity of
each partner. And even so, couples who are close have a tendency to be possessive. No matter how broadminded you believe you are, you are only human, and it’s natural to be jealous. Discussing past sexual experiences would only sow the seeds of doubt and envy in your relationship.
9. Ask yourself first
And yet, curiosity may overpower our feeble human minds. So if you think you or your partner wants to exchange sexual histories, you should ensure you are self-aware first. Ask yourself if you’re ready for the details your partner might reveal.